I probably have no right, no cause, just or otherwise for writing what I am about to but to hell with it all. It was my life for at time that was fucked around with so why should I not write about it? After all, it was blood, sweat and tears, that were dispense on my part, trying to make something special, very special work, only to suffer the tragedy of the title. Where does one begin? Well, let us start with a comment I made on my Facebook Profile on Thursday, 22nd April, 2010:-
“Wednesday was fabulous. Reconnected with a very dear friend, shared stories, moved and unpacked boxes. Later, spoke to a couple of other friends via ‘phone. Wednesday demonstrated hands down just who one’s true friends are and who one can turn to in times of trouble. All three Ladies were Mother Mary in their own unique way. And to that I say, ‘Let It Be, Let It Be’.”
The above statement drew comments from people who really cared about me. Friends from the other side of the world, who I have yet to meet but true friends unlike the two you will eventually hear about. My response to their warm words was to talk about my getting over a particularly traumatic situation recently. I wrote the following piece in response to their warm words of comfort:-
“You know, it is good to know that people like yourselves and my three other friends are there for you in times of trouble. I am passed whatever problems I had. I have come to the conclusion that I am not going to get to the bottom of what happened, only that I was lied to, experienced bad behaviour that could have been embarrassed behaviour and ultimate betrayal by both parties. I have also had to deal with the fact that my social network has been invaded and probably compromised to a certain extent/degree. Not to mention, the fact that two months of my life, has been wasted, two months I will not get back. The only upside to all this is that neither person can see or do anything more than they have already done. My career is unaffected, as neither is in the Industry. However, one of them does have or rather, used to have access via FB to a lot of my contacts in the Industry, even as much that they are on the friendship list of my first agent, amazing when you consider they have absolutely no links or involvement in the performing arts!!!
Amazingly, it could have been a lot lot worse. I got off lightly all things considered but being lied to, betrayed, stabbed in the back more than once, then getting arrogance and attitude and indifference, just tells me that in face of my making a stand and confronting both parties about their misdeeds and acts behind my back, that I was dealing with a couple of no hopers and cowards, who when faced with the facts, had no defence or a leg to stand on. Hence their continued silence. Neither can read this, as I have excluded both of them. I should probably name and shame them both for the spineless and gutless no-wonders they are but I am a bigger person than that. I have put the case to both of them individually and neither of them have absolutely nothing to say for themselves, which just goes to show that I was dealing with children in adults clothing – Immature and without a f**ling clue nor an emotional brain cell between them. An insult to children everywhere. In fact one of them is a mother of two children 7 and 12 respectively, both of whom show far more smarts than the woman who gave birth to them. Go figure, while the other backstabber was supposedly gay but not that gay and someone who cannot deal with his state and personal life as he messed up his own personal life and career as a teacher. Again I am too big a person to say who he is and what he did but lets just say he and a certain 70s Pop star have a lot in common.
All in all folks, they both deserve each other. Again the good thing is I got off lightly but betrayal, lies, damned lies and whatever else that went on, doesn’t sit well with me at all but for the sake of one’s sanity, one has to move on and get on with things. I have a film project coming up and need to deal with the prepping for that, as well getting back to my writing, not to mention getting out there and making a living until things begin happening on the acting front, be it film, theatre or something else…. See more
Things could have been a lot worse. Thankfully, I got off lightly. Thanks also to The Three Ladies of Wisdom, who by sharing their recent experiences, opened my eyes to the fact I am very fortunate indeed and have much to be grateful for. Many thanks M, H and A. I love you all.
Wednesday (21st April,) was indeed a fabulous day, not just because it was the Queen’s Birthday but also because I spend the latter half of the day in the company of lady (M,) who was and has been a truly good friend down the years. Helping shift and unpack boxes, she related the story of the collapse of her long-term relationship with a man she truly loved. This lady upped stakes and moved to another country to begin new life and on paper and to all intents and purposes, she should still be in Spain now, enjoying life to the full. Sadly for her this was not to be. She now back in her lovely home, somewhere in London, beginning her life or rather, picking up the pieces of her life. And she will bounce back but the way her life has been shattered, there is still a lot of pain there. This was the first of the Ladies of Wisdom.
As if I had not enough food for thought, I called another friend (H,) who was my saviour in times of trouble because she was talking to me when the proverbial shit hit the fan so to speak. She had seen the trouble coming from afar but wasn’t aware of the full facts, from my side of things anyway but her instincts told her plenty. We talk about what had transpired with M and related that to my recent experience to which, she felt I have got off very lightly. She was right. The second of the Ladies of Wisdom.
Later on I returned a call to another friend (A,) who really had a story to tell, which she related to me a couple of weeks ago. M’s was bad enough but A’s experience had cost her money, her business, her dignity, reputation, self-esteem, confidence and much more. Trouble was she never met the man concerned, until she had to travel to Australia to see the conniving, bastard of a con-artist. She is still in pieces but coming back slowly. With regard to my experience listening to my story again or rather picking up where we left off, she too, felt I had got off lightly. The fact that the Lady of my story prefers intimacy with a gay man to my charming self is something I ultimately had no control over. The fact that both parties in my story, covered up their emerging relationship with lies, betrayal, falsehoods, attitude, bad behaviour and at times indifference, just shows what a couple of immature no-hopers both of them are and how I am better off having no more contact with them. The third of the Ladies of Wisdom.
And so to my Story.
One day sitting at work, my ‘phone rings. Don’t recognise the number but answer anyway. It was a lady called G. Didn’t recognise the name at first until she reminded we had recently become friends via Facebook. Only then did I recall her. We spoke for at time before I had to get back to dealing with the work issues I was dealing with at the time. We however continued to talk whenever I could, even in my spare time. We eventually arranged a meeting, whereby she visited me at work. We bonded immediately and a pleasant friendship blossomed into something much, much more.
We met the next day and spend a fair amount of time together, enjoying each other’s company and much more together. It was the beginning of something very special. Something that was not a flash in the pan but something that would continue for a long time. We were very much in love. Very, very much in love.
The next couple of months pretty much continued as it had began, only blossoming so much more. We talked whenever we could, met whenever we could. My Saturdays were virtually given over to her and I would visit here whenever my work allowed for during the week. Everything was going beautifully. Beautifully well. Looking back, I guess I should have seen or expected some fly in the ointment.
And it came in the guise of C. Formally known to the world of cyberspace as H C, now C D. Facebook is a wonderful networking tool but in the wrong hands it can bring unhappiness and despair and so with ‘Ms. D’ it came to be so. At my expense!
What can I tell you about Ms. D? Well she is a he, for one. A man who is so out of touch with himself, even he doesn’t really know who he is. He doesn’t even know his own sexuality as I was to find out. Who is he? A former teacher who compromised himself, his school, his employer and everyone associated with him. I had never met him personally but had ‘known’ him for two years via Facebook and had shared many interesting conversations. Even though I had not met him, I had known him. Enough to have trusted him as dear friend. How wrong I was. And I was about to find out just how wrong I was.
G had looked at my Facebook profile and had noted there were a wide variety of people on my list of friends. I was aware she was adding these people to her list of friends. Through me, she had learned how useful a networking tool Facebook could be. There were many people on my profile, many of them good people. Unfortunately she made a connection with the one person who turned out to be anything but the above.
I am not sure where the beginning of end for me with G began but I really think it began with the close connection she began to make with my so-called ‘friend’. She once ‘phoned me to say she wanted out for various reasons and mentioned she had spoken to C. I called him and asked him what he had been saying to her. He (apparently,) was unaware of our relationship or the fact I was the person she was referring to. It all seems such a likely story but at the time, he was my friend. I had no reason to disbelieve him or doubt him. He was my friend and I trusted him. By the end of the week, things had smoothed over and G and I were once more in harmony. Little did I expect or saw what was coming next.
It had concerned me a little that my ‘friend’ had made a special journey to meet G and have lunch with her. I thought nothing of it, as G was a free-spirited and open-minded person anyway, plus C was Gay. ‘I am being stupid here,’ I thought and literally thought no more about it, until a weekend in late March when he came to London to spend a long weekend and hang with her. I wasn’t too keen for some reason but could not see why I would be or should be. They were getting on as friends, he was my friend of two years, what or why should I be concerned? To deal with it all, I suggested cancelling our regular weekend meet and step off and out for this weekend so they could hang as they had social as well business meetings to attend. She insisted I come and spend Friday night with her and the children. I agreed. Felt it would be good to interact with the children.
Finishing my shift on Friday evening, earlier than I usually did, I made my way up the wilds of North London. A long journey from Central London I might add. On arrival, the only warm greeting I got was from her Son of Twelve and Daughter of Seven. The lady herself was in a less than welcoming mood and when I tried to find out what was wrong, I was told “I talked too much,” or was told to “shut up”. So this went on. I guess buying me lunch the next day was her bizarre way of making up for things. I wasn’t that convinced but my ‘phoning earlier during the day on Friday to find that my ‘friend’ was sitting on her bed playing his guitar and singing to her, didn’t sit well with me, regardless of what his sexual orientation was supposed to be.
Everything, the suspicion finally hit me when I arrived home on Saturday. She had virtually thrown me out of her apartment because C was coming to stay the night. It was then it occurred to me that she wouldn’t be all that stressed or telling him he “talked too much” or to “shut up”. I tackled her about this via text messaging but all I got was short shrift. Things were not helped when I got a text message early on Sunday morning saying how they were having a nice cosy walk with the kids in the park. I was still giving them the benefit of the doubt here but eventually it was more than I could take. I called C later that afternoon and told him I didn’t like what was going on. I was amazed at the reaction from both of them. Nothing was forthcoming. There was no response to any of my attempts to contact either of them, especially G. This went on until finally on Monday 21st March, exactly two months after the relationship began, I got a text message from G, saying she no longer wanted to see. As for the person who was supposed to be my friend, he has dodged my every attempt to contact him whenever he chose to respond he talked of his love for her, even though he didn’t want me talking about her. I wonder why?? After that little revelation, no email, text message or ‘phone call has been responded to. If there was some reservation to how G may have been feeling, some doubt about ‘us’, he certainly played on to his advantage and has continued to do so.
So yes, there has been a lot anger and bitterness on my part but only because I have been lied to over a certain length of time and betrayed by both persons, for reasons, known only to them. As if that was not bad enough, they did it all with an arrogance and total disregard and indifference as to how I may have felt. I guess looking back I should not be surprised. One doesn’t have a grasp on reality and the other has not been able to deal with his own reality or the reality of how he destroyed his own personal life and the life of the woman he had a relationship with for many years before he destroyed his own career as a teacher with lewd acts on the premises of the school. Given all that, he with her help or vice-versa, did a very good job for a time of destroying my personal happiness. I can only pity both of them really because they are truly pathetic and feeble in the way they attempt to interact with the world around them – In fact one could probably argue that there has been little or any attempt on either’s part to interact with world around them. On those rare occasions, I might see some comment made by G on the homepage of Facebook, sounding so open, so serene, talking about freedom etc., when in fact she is nothing more than a hypocrite, a fake, a fraud, who hides behind the mask, the facade of new age reasoning and serenity, when the truth is, she anything but any of those things, a totally mockery of those values, reasoning and let alone an embodiment of the Age of Aquarius. She puts on a good act and she fooled me totally for a time but all it took was a total fuck up like C D (or whatever he chooses to go by these days,) to show G in her truly unpleasant colours. Sadly I am one of the few people who sees Ms. M (or S as she prefers to be known,) for who she truly is. I had hoped I was totally wrong but very little I have seen, heard, experience (all amounting to nothing,) has altered the perception and view I have been left with. In short, they both deserve each other. Good riddance to bad rubbish comes immediately to mind.
On the positive side, I have been extremely lucky I have only been exposed to two months. I will never get those two months back but it could have been a longer, more painful experience than the one I have endured. My Three Ladies of Wisdom, have clearly demonstrated this so clearly by relating their own experiences to me, which though as recent as mine, have far longer histories. So looking back on my own feeble experience, compared to theirs, I am extremely grateful that I only had to deal with so much garbage for so short a time. I have lived through it, endured it and come out of the experience a lot less damaged than I could have been. Lessons have been learned and I am now moving on with my life, a far more confident and thoughtful person for it all. I have no thanks whatever to give to either Ms. C D or Ms. G S. Should you spot them on Facebook, give them my disregards and keep on moving. My future is far brighter for no longer having them in my life in any shape or form. I only hope and truly hope they never become a part of your life or anyone else’s for that matter!!!
The above is a traumatic and debilitating situation I went through. There are some who will say I shouldn’t have written it in the first place. My reasons for writing about my experience, is to give hope to others who have gone through or are maybe going through something similar and hopefully give them hope that there is light at the end of a very dark, dark tunnel. It is my hope that the people concerned in the story will take a real hard look at themselves, consider the part they played in this tale and hopefully, think things through, stop behaving like ‘children in adult’s clothing’ and accord people the respect and dignity they deserve. I have moved on with my life but felt the need to write about an episode that occurred in my life. There is no better remedy that expressing one’s thoughts, feelings and making a stand for something. Prisons around the world are filled with like-minded people and I would gladly join them if I was forced to compromise on my principles, thoughts and beliefs. Thanks for reading this.