Honesty and Living Without Fear





Fear!  The very word, feeling, emotional pull of it strikes fear in all of us at some point.  One way of dealing with my fears, real or otherwise is to face them.  Sometimes head-on!  The definition of the word ‘Fear’ comes from a Masterclass on the Meisner Method of Acting,  given by one Mr. Martin Barter, who at the time (and probably still is,) was head of the Sandford Meisner School of Acting.  I am digressing here.

I have found in more recent times that those who have any kind of interaction with me are scared.  Scared of me.  Truly scared.  Why?  My honesty.  The fact I am able to talk openly about myself, bare my soul for the world to see and have no care or inhibition to do so.  But is this not what any artist does?  Whether they write, paint, sculpt, stand on a stage each night in front of an audience and prove the above acronym of the word ‘Fear’.  False Evidence Appearing Real.  That is all Fear truly is.

When I am writing, I am at ease.  I write fluently, without tension of any kind.  The reason for this is I am writing what I know about.  I am writing about truth and how that truth irrespective of what that truth may be, affects me.  That is all I am doing.  Nothing more, nothing less. And irrespective of whether the composition is humorous, angry or anything else, all I am writing about is the truth.

Even though I have a love of fiction, much of my writings of recent times, are based on factual things, real life experiences, some of them from my own life experiences.  I don’t expect everyone to roll over and like what I write but I do reserve the right to write about things and life experiences and how these situations affect me.  Free from threats and intimidation.  Threats and intimidation never work with me.  I have always seen threats as the last desperate act of a person who has run out of ideas, for no other reason than they lack the imagination and will to achieve their aims in a different way or manner.

A recent piece I wrote drew threats of intimidation and legal action.  An empty threat to be sure but I thought, ‘why take chances?’.  So I changed the names of the not-so-innocent, left the story intact, wrote a conclusion and moved on.  Up until that threat, I had forgotten about the piece totally and was focussing on other matters – an upcoming film role, how am I going to find the time to write my first novel, etc.  You kind of get the general idea.  I had moved on and was moving on upwards. But for those who were the object, and not necessarily the total subjects of the piece (as I had mentioned three other people in it), were frightened – Fear had set in.  The fear that they were exposed for who they truly are.  No names have been mentioned here; no slanderous or libellous comments have been made or allured to.  But these people know who they are, they know what they have done and for me that is all I need to know.  That they knew I was writing about them was and is enough me.  Even though the names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. And the poor ‘children in adult clothing’ really do need protecting.  From what?  Their own Fear of course.  The fear that they are so out of tune with their feelings and their state of being.  The fear they are so out of touch with reality that they are totally unaware of their wayward actions and the effect they have on people.  And their actions, negative for the most part do have repercussions on those around them. It is happening now. And because of this among many other things, they have tried to shut me up with threats and intimidation of legal action. Personally, I would have thought the courts had far more important business to conduct than dealing with one man and his blog.  I know the pen is mightier than the sword but please!!!  What am I doing here?  I am writing in an honest manner about my thoughts, feelings and experiences.  We are not exactly living in an Orwellian Universe (even if it does seem so with the amount of surveillance going on around us).

So what are these people afraid of?  What is their ‘Fear’?  I have no idea!  I am not sure they even know but eventually they will have to face those fears, whatever they maybe.  They focus their Fear and intimidation on me because I write and express myself, with an honesty they cannot stand, much more comprehend.  It is scary. Maybe they think because I have so much to lose, I will shut up and remain silent.  I have nothing to lose.  Absolutely nothing to lose but my integrity and sense of being.  I know who I am, what I am about.  I look in the mirror each morning and can live with what I see reflected back.  If I can, why can’t anyone else.  My integrity, my sense of who I am, what I am about is intact.  Rock solid.  An immovable object.  I am happy in my own skin and pity those who are not.

I can only be me.  I can only write about my experiences.  And much of that experience involves interacting with people.  No man is an island as the saying goes and I am no different.  As a creative person, I am always going to upset someone, whether it is via my writing, acting or just breathing because they hate who I am.  And that is fine with me, as long as I am honest and true to myself.

Thanks for reading.