Here is a subject near and dear to my heart – Relationships. With human beings as a species, we interact on more than one level socially, as Civilisation does. And as such there are many kinds of relationships: working; business; social; political; personal, the list goes on and on. I would like to talk about the latter of these. Personal relationships. You could say it is my field of expertise.
Like most people of sound mind and health (or otherwise for that matter,) I have been involved in my fair share of personal relationships over the years, down the years if you like. The one thing that never fails to surprise me after all this time is this. Relationships by their very nature can be complex affairs. So I have never really understood why people go out of their way to make the relationships they are involved in, more difficult than they potentially are. I have many examples from my own experience I could relate to. In fact, I don’t really need to go all that far back to relate a tale of woe. The second entry on this Blog is an ideal example of what I am talking about. And that was stressing enough. Oddly enough I am not on any kind of medication fortunately and still have some semblance of a sound mind. Guess I am stronger than I thought (thanks Ms. G S but you will have to try harder to unsettle me). Oh yes, relationships and why people make them harder than they already are.
I have no idea why and if I did, I probably write a bestselling book on the subject. One book I never read but from what I heard seems to have the answer – ‘Men are from Mars, Women from Venus’ if I got the title right. I recall last year listening to an audio programme where the author was telling this story of Men coming from Mars to settle here and women coming from Venus to settle here also. Both had their differences but respected each other’s differences. And I think (in my humble opinion,) this is where the problem lies – We don’t appreciate, respect or understand each other’s differences. I could discuss the roles of the sexes and the obvious differences and what women are good at and what men are good etc., but I want to discuss the differences in personal relationships and depending on the person one is dealing with, how some of those differences in two people while they can strengthen a relationship, the relationship dies for reasons of a lack of understanding, patience, selfishness or a lack of appreciation for each other.
Using my recent experience is probably the best example that illustrates the points I am trying to make. For a time, everything was great, we were happy, got on well, and understood each other to certain extent. It was a new relationship, we were both learning about each other, making a few mistakes along the way but learning from them. The important thing here was we were both talking to each other, getting to know each other, learning about each other, growing to understand each other. Forming an understanding with each other. And it work and would have continued in this fashion, forming a warm, loving, lasting relationship. That was not to be. And here is why.
Someone else got in on the act. They were not necessary welcomed but they were a friend. Not a good one, as time and events (or the lack of them,) would reveal. Slowly, certain things were being said to me. Certain things were happening that I didn’t like. I made this known but the other person decided she preferred the company of my ‘friend’ to me. There was no discussion on her part. She just stopped talking. End of story. Nothing that has been said to me since then until more recently makes any sense. No sense whatsoever but what it came down to was that she no longer wanted to know but rather than just come out and say what was on her mind, she (along with ‘friend’,) began playing some kind of cat and mouse game that eventually got them named and shamed by me. Not that they had any shame in the first place.
It could be argued that if we had talked things through (without any kind of interference from elsewhere,) we could have got through things but sadly this was not to be. What I always find strange is when people who actually love each other, when one person falls out of love in that relationship, rather than talk about why or what brought them to that particular point and decision, they don’t want to talk to the person they were supposedly in love all this time. In fact, they are prepared to talk to anyone other the person they should be talking to. In my case, I was forced to talk to the whole damn world because I was the last person on the planet the lady concerned wanted to talk to. And when she eventually had to talk to me (via email, as she wasn’t brave enough to use the ‘phone,) she had no defence, no excuse, though she made many because she had let things slide so far south, nothing she said made any sense or resonated with my good self. It was just so much BS. Now I may not have been able to prevent the goings on that transpired but if she had opened her mouth and talked to me and with me, things may well have been settled amicably, irrespective of how unacceptable I found the behaviour of both parties towards myself but she chose to do the opposite and got punished for it. No doubt certain ‘friends’ of ours will read this blog entry and inform her accordingly and she will no doubt, once again threaten me with legal action and whatever empty, meaningless threats she can dream up. It should be noted Ms. S., that:-
‘Threats are the desperate act of a person who has run out of ideas and neither has the will nor imagination to achieve their aims any other way or manner’. And that quote comes from me. No one else.
There are no easy answers in how one deals with the cut and thrust of personal relationships in the modern era. My experience has been one of dealing with people who are out of touch with themselves, their feelings, their state even. They don’t take a long term view of anything and just see the world from their own perspective. I have good experiences from personal relationships, which have ended amicably and we remained friends but these are in the minority. The experience I discussed here sadly seems very much the norm and I have friends that have similar experiences and stories to tell. Sad really but ‘Welcome to the real world’ or one aspect of it. I read a Facebook entry recently from a lady who was one year into her marriage and the relationship was as fresh, invigorating, loving and passionate as day one. Now that is true love for sure. So out of that Pandora’s Box of Relationship, Hope still exists eternal.