The title kind of says it all – It really does! The past week has seen me being ever so proactive and yet the complete opposite. And I am only just starting to come out of that vacuum. Not at that it felt like a vacuum. I guess a long two-bus journey from what I now see as a pointless exercise in travelling to what seems like the ends of the earth in South-East London to audition for a theatre role that I probably would not get paid for, given the production was a profit share affair. I am all for supporting and working in theatre but given my agent had arranged the audition, I thought it best to attend the audition and see how things went. Should have trusted my instincts and stayed put.
These are the trials and tribulations any creative person has to deal with and I am no different but every so often I get on a downer, occasionally fall into a vacuum of depression and lethargy. This happens when one has pushed themselves, their abilities, drive and ambitions to their very limit. And yet, it does not deliver the progress one hopes for. And so the past week has been a mixture of bravado, confidence, making job submissions, attending auditons – In essence, getting up each morning and working towards my dreams, desires and ambitions but by last Thursday, I was drained and with no success forthcoming (not to mention still awaiting payment for a commercial I worked on last month,) it all tends wear one down in the end occasionally. And when this happens and you are in this position, one has to pull themselves out of this spiral of depression, remember who you are, where you want to be, the kind of life you want for yourself, then pull yourself together and get things back on track. Quite how one will pay the rent and the other bills, is another problem and one that can get you sidetracked and frequently. Which brings me to another ongoing situation, I am really starting to get fed up with.
For the past four years, I have worked for a recruitment agency in Central London. I agency with a reputation second to none I would say but that reputation is starting to disappear in my eyes and sadly so. Nearly every week (twice during any given week,) I call to check in and let them know my availability for work. Now one would think that after four years in their employ as an administrator when things are slow, someone there would at least know who I am but no! Nearly every time I call I get someone on the other end of the line who has never heard of me and I have to go through the whole process of telling them who I am all over again. I am more than a little tired of this now. I don’t expect every single person in the organisation to know who I am, nor do I expect them to treat me as if the sun shines out of my backside either. Even so if I have been working for an organisation over a four year period, I would more often than not think and expect the majority of the people working on the freelance side of things (i.e. Temping,) to at least know who I am. Until I made that ‘phone call yesterday, I hadn’t really dwelt on the above situation with this agency but then it is not a unique situation and given I have been dealing with recruitment/temping agencies on and off for the past thirty years, nothing should surprise me but it is odd how people and organisations still approach everything from a nineteenth/twentieth century point of view. It is as if the New Millennium never happened. How depressing!
Still, it seems as if the above is just a passing phase. My agent called me yesterday morning to advise that I had got a job on a commercial. The odd thing was I couldn’t remember the audition I attended at first because I had forgotten about the whole affair as I never heard anymore about the results of this audition (not that we ever do in this business,) which took place a couple of weeks ago. Anyway, they will be shooting sometime in the mid-July so that along with the film role are at least two things in line with my acting career I have to look forward to. Having said all that, I still need to get paid for that job I did last month, not to mention getting out there and making a living one way or the other in order to keep my head above water, not to mention keeping the various wolves from my door.