Living A Dream

Not everyone is fortunate to be able to say they lived the dream.  That they lived the life they always wanted for themselves, loved the woman of their dreams, and did the things they always wanted to do.  For myself, most things I desire and work towards seem to be things other people do or have.  I am not envious but the background I come from, it didn’t matter how ambitious you were, how naked that ambition was, it just wasn’t going to happen.  At all!!!

Such was the life I led up to a certain point in my thirties.  In terms of my personal relationships, I have had some good relationships, some unbelievably bad ones but out of all those relationships, there have been at least three where I actually lived the dream.  I want to focus on one in particular.

The relationship I want to talk about lasted two months.  For those who know me, this should come as no surprise.  Nearly every relationship I have been involved in, do not last very long.  One has lasted to this day after many years, another lasted nine months.  Others have lasted two months, a month, a few weeks.  Guess I am a required taste but I digress.

In this particular relationship I want to discuss, I lived the dream, I really did.  But like most dreams, it was a fleeting, imaginary existence that was not meant to do last long, mainly due to the person I was dealing with.  She was a dream in every conceivable way, beautiful, vivacious, supporting, articulate, caring, and fun to be with.  But like a dream, it was not really grounded in reality but just enough to make one believe it was totally real.  To make one feel they were truly alive.  To make one feel they were truly living and it was a true romance in every way.  More fool me!

My reason for writing this stems from a dream I had this afternoon.  I had spent two hours in the gym, came home and had a nice long soak in the bath before making a late lunch.  I ate, decided to chill a little before beginning work on some scripts but fell asleep.  The dream I had was as follows.

I find myself working in a school somewhere.  I have not been there very long but I am finding my way around my job, my duties and have fitted in quite well.  I have moved on with my life, to the point, I have grown close to a senior member of staff and things are developing between us.  I enter a classroom with her to assist with the class when I am introduced to a new member of the class.  I looked at this eight year old and recognised her instantly.  Sara. She recognised me also but didn’t show it.  I left it at that.  My companion noted this and took me to one side and I quietly explained the situation to her that the child’s mother was former lover of mine and things did not end too well.  While I we were talking, a noted a figure walked into the room.  It was Sara’s Mother.  Time seem as if it had not moved forward at all.  My companion made her excuses and left the room.  I was introduced to her and we exchanged pleasantries before the teacher began the class.  I was not needed for this session.  Leaving the classroom we went to a quiet reception area and talked things through quietly and diplomatically.  Things were being resolved in a way they should have been many months ago.  At this stage of the dream I woke up.

The reality is that the above had no chance of ever being in the Waking World.  The Inner Child inside of me clearly misses what was but the Conscious side of me knows that he (i.e. Me,) has tried everything his winding wits could do in finding a resolution to a problem that was just that at the time, a problem.  Nothing I tried received little if any kind of response.  So for me, there is no reason to be yearning for what one cannot have.  The past is the past.  One cannot go back.  That has been so clearly demonstrated to me.  The path that led to that breakup makes it virtually impossible for me to offer any more olive branches.  I have offered more than Zeus himself would have offered.  Why bother with someone who cannot be bothered?  Someone who has not offered up one single branch of olives in order to placate her actions and disgusting treatment of me.  Nothing is impossible they say but it will take more than dream of what was to convince me that said person has what it takes to do what my dream has her doing.  Crossing paths with me and being adult enough to admit she was sorry for all she had done and is willing to make amends.  That is not going to happen!

It is good to have lived a dream for a while but where commitment, honesty and integrity are sadly lacking I have come to the conclusion that living a dream is a virtual impossibility – Unless one is David Beckham of course.