Sans Souci

Taken from my Website Blog at:

Sans Souci – ‘Without a care’ the translation supposedly goes.  I should be so damn lucky I mused on Twitter and Facebook.  Life could be worse but at times it does not seem so.  My career (to me at least,) seems to be one of constant sorrow – I feel like a Man in Constant Sorrow.  Well I have never been satisfied with my efforts such as they are.  I am always striving to be better than I am, to be a better actor than I was in my last job.  Sometimes I am, sometimes I am not.  Guess I am a man who will never be satisfied with his lot.

Having said all that, I have done so much in my decade or so in the business and have much to be proud of.  However I don’t feel I am moving forward with my career as much as I feel I should be.  I can do better, because I have done better but for all I have done, I am still a fairly unknown actor. I write this Blog and another on WordPress that no one reads (at least not yet anyway,) and do so much promotion and marketing online that no one again seems to read.  I publicise the productions I am appearing in to friends, acquaintances and the online public and yet hardly anyone I know bothers to turn up.  Are my friends and acquaintances trying to tell me something here?  Are they even true friends and acquaintances even?  I do wonder.

I suppose if I was far more successful than I am now, I would garner far more respect for my efforts than I have to date.  I have noted when asked what I do, the derisory looks and off-hand comments I get when I say what I do.  But I also note that those comments come with an air of fear, which makes me realise I am doing something, I am pursuing a desire, a dream, more so, fulfilling that dream.  These are things most people only dream about but never have the courage to pursue.  But then if I had a steady income, a nice big house, fancy car, able to afford foreign holidays a few times a year, would I give all that up to pursue a flight of fancy of working in film, television and theatre?  Probably not I muse but then I never had anything that fancy or comfortable.  I entered the acting profession not from an air of comfort or from a comfort zone of any kind.  I entered from the position of poverty, destitution and uncertainly.  Security whether it comes from job security or fiscal security is a totally alien situation to me because I have never had it.  Each day is a fight for survival, never knowing when one’s next meal is coming from, let alone where the next job will be coming from or how I will pay my bill or my creditors.  That is my reality.  And it is not one of security or pipe dreams either.  Yes, I am chasing a dream – Running down a dream even.  But you know what?  To achieve ones dreams, one’s desires, one has to travel along a few roads labelled ‘Nightmare Avenue’ but if one has what it takes, no matter how difficult those Avenues are to navigate, one can navigate themselves through them.  One can succeed and achieve all one has ever desired and worked so hard for.

Until that happens, Life is ‘Sans Souci’ and I will be so damn lucky to have a Life Without a Care until I have achieved what want to achieve in this Life.



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